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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

A “Thanks for your order” message with authenticity

02 Apr

The Saddleback Leather Company is the real deal. It has something the rest of the world is now trying to recreate after a century of washing it away with bureaucratic, six sigma, dehumanization – authenticity.   The problem most large organizations will have with being authentic this is identifying exactly WHO is thankful. Think about it – the first line of customer interaction at your company is probably more authentically happy when the phone STOPS ringing and they can take a break. This means of coarse that you are going to have to hire someone (ahemmm) to help you find your voice.

Study this email. I don’t recommend you copy his style (which is reminiscent of overindulgent catalog king J. Peterman on “Seinfeld”) but rather think about how honest-to-goodness thankfulness, and transparency can be incorporated into your business, regardless of its size.

Hello there Ben Shoemate

Just wanted to let you know that I sent your bag out just a little bit ago. Your tracking number is listed below along with a link to the shipping company so you can track your leather piece every couple of hours.  To care for your leather piece and read about the photo contest please see the Questions page on the website. I have all sorts of tips to keep your leather in top shape.

Oh, and by the way, I didn’t want to tell you this before you joined, but 10% of the gross amount that you gave to Saddleback went directly to one of those aid organizations on the Dave’s Links page.  If you spent $500 + $20 for shipping then $52 went out to love people.  Basically, you just contributed to drilling a well for an entire village or partially sponsored a 5 year old street kid in Rwanda to get into a loving orphanage and go to one of the best schools in the country. This is the main reason Saddleback Leather exists. Just wanted to let you know… between friends. Thanks for helping.

The way I see it, out of the thousands and thousands of companies in the world, on the Internet or down on the corner selling leather goods, you chose mine and I really do feel honored.  You are very much appreciated.. Welcome to the family.

Thank you and have a great week.

Warm regards,

Dave Munson
Presidente
Saddleback Leather Co

Your order number is SBL-*********.

The tracking numbers are:
******************************
You can track your package by visiting the links below:
http://wwwapps.ups.com/WebTracking/processInputRequest?TypeOfInquiryNumber=T&InquiryNumber1=xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The following items have been shipped to you:
line items
———————————————————————–
Small Wallet Light Tobacco Brown (WA-SM-LTB)
quantity: 1
total price: $28.00
———————————————————————–
subtotal:                        $28.00
sales tax:                        $2.28
standard shipping: *             $12.98
*shipping total includes handling and insurance fees
=======================================================================
grand total:                     $43.26
———————————————————————–

This order will be billed to:

Ben Shoemate
************
———————————————————————–

Orders for merchandise ship UPS and will receive a confirmation email and tracking number when your UPS order has shipped.
Orders for gift cards only ship via USPS mail with Delivery Confirmation and usually arrive in 3 to 5 business days.
—

This is an automatically generated email

Even down to letting you know this email was generated automatically – the message is honest and personal. Well done Dave.

 
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Posted in Email, Humor, Philosophy, Social Networks

 

Complex information put to music

15 Feb

Since your first day of kindergarten when you sang your “ABC’s” educators have used music to teach the otherwise boring lists, numbers, patterns and history of our world and universe.  I don’t know if it is actually easier to memorize when put to music or simply more rewarding so you try harder – after all, it is very impressive to name all 192 odd countries in the world in 60 seconds to the tune of the Mexican Hat Dance (see number 5).

#1 The periodic table

I would love to be able to memorize this song, but even I’m not that big of a geek.

 

#2 The Pi Song

This could have been horrible if it was not sung so well. This is another song I have little interest in actually learning but its always fun to know PI to at least 10 places…just incase.  

#3 The Universe Song – Monty Python

I really love this song and sing it all time to remember how big the universe really is. This version is sang by Clint Black (I am from Texas you know, plus the original lacks such quality visuals).

 

#4 The Universe…Again

A catchy tune and inspiring version, but since it lacks the numeric information of the Monty Python version it will always live in its shadow.

 

#5 The Nations of the World

This is one of my favorites. I have the first 2 sections memorized, but I loose it when he gets to Africa. Unfortunately, like most of these songs the information is increasingly out of date. 

 

#6 I am the very model of a modern major-general

While not necessarily conveying a lot of scientific or practical information (that’s kind of the point of the joke), this famous scene for the play the “Pirates of Penzance” does have a lot of historical perspective on what he nerds of the 19th century where talking about. From a time when things like “beings animalcules” (microscopic organisms) were first discovered. The late great science fiction author Isaac Asimov wrote an essay about this song where he identified the meaning behind every strange and forgotten word. If you’re into retro steam punk, you’ll enjoy this vocabulary lesson.

 

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. 

The rest is here: Major General’s Song

#7 Parts of the Brain

#8 All the words in the English Language

A parody of this type of song sang by the animated team that gave so much to this genre.

#9 The 50 US states and their capitols

I’m pretty sure kids use this song in school today to learn the states.

 

#10 US Presidents from Washington to Clinton

 

#11 We didn’t start the fire

Billy Joel rattles through the incredents of live in the 20th century.

#12 Natural Decay

#13 How a bill becomes law – school house

A public service announcment that interrupted every cartoon marathon of my 1980′s youth.

 

#14 Sink the Bismarck

Learn some WW2 history.

#15 The Battle of New Orleans

Get pumped up about the War of 1812 – USA v Britan part 2, the sequel to the revolution.

 

 
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Posted in All Blog Posts, Art, Humor, Imagination, Science

 

My 100th post!

30 Nov

I don’t post often, but since I was evaluating blogging tools I went on a little bit of a writing streak this Thanksgiving weekend. The verdict of my test…I still like Windows Live Writer Beta (build 14) the best. Still a few more to try though…So what should I do to celebrate my 100th post? How about a quote from Dave Barry that made me laugh earlier today…

Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted in All Blog Posts, Humor

 

Where were you during the internet gold rush?

09 Jan

I have a birthday that falls within days of the new year. This means I get hit with 2 wake-up calls at once. Another year to look back and reflect on then WHAM! I’m another year older.

Working in the web industry, I am constantly aware of the wealth being generated and the constant, ever increasing change going on. We are truly living in a golden age of wealth and information. I am also aware that I’ve spent my time making other people richer. I missed the first internet bubble, I coasted right through the second web 2.0 rush. And now, in my ear I can hear the distant questions from my future grandchildren who, having read about these golden days in their history book will ask:

“Grandpa, what were you doing when all this was happening? Why didn’t you invent the iPhone?” they’ll ask.
“Well,” I’ll reply, “I guess I was too busy working on other things.”
“Like what?” They’ll ask. They always ask. They are just kids after all. You can not expect them to notice the subtle tension in their grand father’s voice or the the regret in his eyes warning them that some subjects are best not talked about.
“Oh, I don’t remember…some kind of purchasing system for some corporation that threw it away 2 years later.”
“But grandpa, why didn’t you go work at Google!” they say cheerfully flipping back to the colorful page about the search giant. “It says here that even the cleaning staff got stock options and became rich. One of them was even the first man on Mars!”

“Shut up you kids!” I’ll say, “No more books!”

Then when they start to cry I’ll say “Now…who wants ice cream?”

 
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Posted in All Blog Posts, Google, Humor, Philosophy, Thoughts, Web Design

 

How corporate policy works (joke)

25 Oct

Here is an oldie but a goodie. This story made it’s rounds years ago as an email forward. I’m sure everyone has seen it before but maybe you forgot it – enjoy:

——-

THE PLAN

In the beginning was The Plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without merit.
And The Plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the workers.
And they spoke among themselves, saying, “It is
a crock of shit, and it stinketh.”

And the workers went unto their supervisors and said,
“It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odor thereof.”

And the supervisors went unto their managers, saying, “It is
a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that
none may abide by it.”

And the managers went unto their directors, saying,
“It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong.”

And the directors went unto the VPs, saying unto them,
“It promotes growth and it is very powerful.”

And the VPs went unto the Prez, saying unto him, “This plan
will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company,
with powerful effects.”

And the Prez looked upon the plan, and saw that it was good.
And The Plan became Policy.
This is how shit happens!

——-

Let me share my personal take on this… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted in All Blog Posts, Email, Humor, Imagination, Observations, Poetry, Thoughts

 

Here’s to you, robot spam poet

18 Oct

Oh the lengths spammers go to in order to get past your spam filter. The sad thing is, I can’t tell what they are even trying to sell, which begs the question- WTF? It’s Just a cryptic message – maybe it is the first line from various books, or a random sentence. In any case, this one struck me as a pretty good piece of abstract, modern poetry. And so, I pass it on to you, noble reader, as a form of “found art”, not mine, not anyone’s really. Enjoy.

Oh, I know. The snow. The effective snow
Stars, the last day, endless and centerless,
The purest form is always the one
II. List of Franklin Search Parties
People might see to be the opening
From point to point of meaning—open? closed?—
Not so much of place as of renewed hope,
And beyond, the same sound of bees
Left and right, and far ahead in the dusk.
to matter, for the flushed boys are muscular
What is there in the depths of these walls
So you can watch me watch uplifted snow
at balls hit again and again toward her offspring.
So you can watch me watch uplifted snow
He is harsh, dismal, ice—that is, exiled;
Bronze the sky, with no
The mortal architect had brought to life,
shaded by live oaks and bottlebrush trees
The pain of being born into matter.

Update: After Googleing (or is it Googling?) the first line, I found that all the lines seem to be randomly selected from this page at the University of Chicago. Nice.

 
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Posted in All Blog Posts, Email, Humor, Poetry

 

A new site, again

03 Sep

I have had my first real stretch of free time in almost 4 years these past 2 weeks. With it, I thought I would clean a little house and update my website. I have 2 goals with this new site: consolidate and simplify.

Consolidate because I have 34 domains hosted with half a dozen ISPs. This is great for playing the feild and comparing level of service (except they all pretty much suck the same with 1 notable exception), but it is very poor for having any kind of focus. The fact is,  I do a little bit of work online each week outside of my client paid activities.  But since it is  spread out across so many different projects, it is lost.

Simply because my old site, while cool, was based on a cold fusion platform I build my self with several different web services integrated into it. Half of these were down half the time. Well see how well this new approach works. Fingers crossed. (by the way, if its 2010 and this is the only thing up here, you will know it failed.)

 
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Posted in All Blog Posts, Humor, The Future