How corporate policy works (joke)

Here is an oldie but a goodie. This story made it’s rounds years ago as an email forward. I’m sure everyone has seen it before but maybe you forgot it – enjoy:

——-

THE PLAN

In the beginning was The Plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without merit.
And The Plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the workers.
And they spoke among themselves, saying, “It is
a crock of shit, and it stinketh.”

And the workers went unto their supervisors and said,
“It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odor thereof.”

And the supervisors went unto their managers, saying, “It is
a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that
none may abide by it.”

And the managers went unto their directors, saying,
“It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong.”

And the directors went unto the VPs, saying unto them,
“It promotes growth and it is very powerful.”

And the VPs went unto the Prez, saying unto him, “This plan
will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company,
with powerful effects.”

And the Prez looked upon the plan, and saw that it was good.
And The Plan became Policy.
This is how shit happens!

——-

Let me share my personal take on this…

I have been involved enough with corporate strategy and governance (as it relates to intranets, portal, and other web related stuff) to know how it works. You do something, it works, they ask you to document it, and that documentation becomes law. Until one day, you come back for another project and you try to do something, and someone tells you can’t do it.

“Why not?” you ask, reminding them that you are a consultant, that most honorable and noble of office creatures, “Who are you to say what I can and can not do?”

“I enforce the policy” they say.

“Give me that!”, you say as you snatch the printed policy boldly from their trembling hand, the 3-ring binder crashing to floor as pale faces peer over the stained, cubicle cloth.

“What?!” you laugh, “This? I wrote this 2 years ago, it doesn’t even apply any more.” And then you realize, your logic and reason mean nothing here. The only defense against corporate policy is powerpoint!
I am in the process of moving 15 years of email online from various formats to gmail so I can’t help reminiscing a little. I let you know if find any other gems like this in the archive.

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